Quick Thoughts
Small thoughts and messages not worthy of their own pages but still something I feel like putting out there. Largely curated and possibly lightly edited from my posts and discussions in the WFM server.
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I also want to throw out there that punishment, as a non-psychology person knows it, rarely actually works for behavior modification. It can work, but generally how it’s done in a kink setting (or a parental setting, or a societal setting) doesn’t actually help in the way people like to think it does. If you want actual behavior modification I’d suggest learning how to train a dog and the training quadrants and what that means. You could also delve into psychology.
But “do this and you’ll be punished” is an awful way to actually fix things for most people. (It does work for some, but very few.)
I don’t do punishment dynamics because they generally don’t work for me. Not only does suffering sound hot so I’m more likely to intentionally test the rules to see what happens, but I also will game any system put in front of me.
I am currently trying to use my dynamic to better my life. We have a couple rules right now where every day I have to eat a vegetable and report that, and one that I’m probably going to have to discuss which is exercise every day (discuss because I’m succeeding about 6 out of 7 days most weeks), and if I want any excess dessert I have to ask permission because one of my goals is keeping my sugar intake low.
And there’s no punishment if I get them wrong beyond feeling bad about having to report I failed.
If I’m struggling with something, then we sit down and discuss that, and try to find a solution to it. What needs to change to help me succeed? Is the rule trying too hard right off the bat? Or is something else preventing me from accomplishing them that I need to resolve?We’re working together to actually further my health goals.
As hot as it would be to write lines for accidentally forgetting to eat some carrots or something… that would encourage me to “forget” further for that exact reason.
Also generally, “bratting” is a form of “put me in my place! I want to act out so you can slap me down” and bratting plus a punishment dynamic definitely won’t help for most things because you’re just going to sabotage yourself over and over to get that sweet feeling of being put in your place.
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