Quick Thoughts
Small thoughts and messages not worthy of their own pages but still something I feel like putting out there. Largely curated and possibly lightly edited from my posts and discussions in the WFM server.
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IMO, you shouldn’t need to be reassuring your partner about their other partner. It’s his job as the hinge to keep each of his partners comfortable with each other to minimize jealousy issues. While I can’t say I haven’t complained to one partner about another (because, oh boy, have I), in general he should have a neutral third party (friend, therapist, whatever) that he can go to to complain or express issues to to avoid poisoning one partner against the other.
It is not your job to make him feel better about his other partner. You can be supportive by listening, but if he continues to complain about the other partner not doing things you may need to set a boundary there.
you don’t have to give him the cold shoulder, but it’s not your job to make excuses for the other partner
Nod and like “oh that sucks” or something. Sympathize. Keep an ear out for red flags. Change the subject if you can, or pivot to something related.I spoke with [Tim] and his suggestion is:
Practice active listening. Be there, listen, and empathize with him (“man, that sucks.”), but do your best to stay out of the other relationship because it’s not your business. He mentioned that if his partner was having trouble with another partner, if it was serious, rather than comment on the relationship, he would encourage them to get into couples counseling.