2016-06-05 - Scene with Treyn

Posted on June 05, 2016
Word Count: 1683

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I had had caffeine. I wanted something all weekend but with a new person I never know what to expect. I remember sitting on the couch with my legs folded under so that I was sitting on my feet with my hands on my ankles. This felt to me like a playful position. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I remember he was on his laptop and I considered closing it slowly to indicate I wanted attention. I didn’t, but I thought about it. He put his laptop away soon enough anyway.

I hesitated, but I’d been waiting for something and I wanted to get it before the weekend was over and we were running out of time. I don’t quite know what I said but I did say I wanted something. I remember laughing. I was nervous and caffeinated. He wanted to know what I wanted but I had already given him all the relevant information I could previously. Right then I just wanted . . . something.

I think he sighed when he put his arm out to indicate that I should cuddle. I did so and realized my feet had gone numb. Go me. We talked for a few minutes and he started scratching at my back. I don’t remember much about that except that he asked if I wanted to go in back. I remember Sam stating something “you have to take control” indicating that I couldn’t make a decision. I don’t remember thinking. I just remember him saying “I asked her a question” and the pain of his nail digging into my back. As the pain became more intense I spit out “yes.” I know I did it voluntarily but I don’t remember thinking about it. I know there was no other answer. Any other answer would have ended it.

I didn’t want it to end. Not yet.

He told me to go in back. My thoughts went fuzzy at the command. I . . . ? Command. Do it. At least, I think I told myself to do it. I felt unsure and I was unsteady getting up. My feet were no longer numb but at the same time I had no balance. I walked into the wall as I attempted to make my way down the hallway. It was harder to follow the command than I had initially thought. The hallway went on forever. Were they behind me? Were they just watching me? Wall. That was a wall.

I finally made it into the bedroom. What now? I can’t stand. Legs don’t work. I sat on the bed facing the door but I really just wanted to hide. I wanted to keep my eyes on the floor – if I can’t see your face then you can’t see mine. I know, logically, that that isn’t how it works, but sometimes it’s all I can do. I hide in my own ways.

I did flash my eyes up as he entered the room. Then down again. Then I watched as he pulled the various sheets and whatnot off the bed. He told me to lay on my belly. His words – I don’t use the word “belly.” I hesitated. What way? I didn’t want to make any assumptions. I think I spoke. I think I asked what way. I remember hearing my voice but I don’t remember what I said. I think it was quiet and small. I was unsure.

He indicated what way to lay and I did so. Much easier than walking down a hallway. Lay here. Still difficult. I felt the uneasiness as I worked my way downward. I was presenting a part of me to let him do whatever he wished. He wished to hurt me and I knew it. We had discussed that. I asked for this. Almost literally. I gripped the edge of the bed as I needed something to keep myself grounded.

I don’t remember specifics of what happened when anymore. It happened fast and intense and although in that space it seemed it would last forever, it was also over very quickly at the same time.

He scratched my back. As I write that it sounds so tame but it was honestly intense. It hurt. A lot. It built quickly. He didn’t just scratch my back, he dug his nails in. I could picture my skin stretching under his nails as they moved.

He bit my back. That was incredibly painful. I remember hearing myself scream. I remember thinking about that – wow, did I just scream? I remember any time I felt his face near my skin after that I was anticipating the pain and I was doing my best to keep myself calm. It didn’t work, but I tried.

He grasped at my pony tail and pulled my head up. It was an amazing pain – it only added to the build up. I didn’t want it to stop and he used my hair as a handle for a long while as he worked me over.

He slapped my ass which honestly was the most relaxing part of everything. Although there was some pain, there wasn’t much because of jeans in the way. I’m sure it would have been worse had I been less protected. It was actually very pleasurable and I think I moaned as a result.

I know near the beginning I would flip my legs up out of pain. I wasn’t getting in the way, just folding in on myself as I tend to do. I had no intention of stopping him or even attempting to hinder what was going on. I had agreed to this. I had asked for this. I would take it. He told me to keep my feet down. I did my best. I didn’t want to disappoint – I could do this. I didn’t fully succeed but I did more or less keep my feet against the bed. My head got fuzzier the longer the session went on – I couldn’t keep my focus on keeping my feet down. I had forgotten all about them.

He said something to me about almost disobeying him and stopping myself. What? What did I do? I had to think very hard about it. I assumed that I must have moved my feet but I honestly couldn’t remember it. Well. At least I did well, in spite of having no clue.

I remember wondering what was happening. Say something. Say anything. Keep me here. Am I doing well? Is this going to stop? What do you want . . .

I remember him pressing himself up against me. He was hard and he pressed himself into my leg. He asked if I could feel it. I remember conjuring up a word “yes.”

He asked if I knew what it meant. What? What does it mean? . . . what? He asked again and the pain intensified. I think he was digging his nails into me again but I don’t remember. It was fuzzy by that point. Pain. Only pain. I don’t remember what I said. I remember it sounded stupid to me. What an answer. I could have done better. What would it have been? I don’t know, but better. The pain stopped. I at least had done well enough for that.

I don’t remember how long it went on. I couldn’t tell. Time works differently in these situations. Finally he told me to get up. Or sit up. I only really remember the word “up.”

I sat up slowly. I managed to stumble on my arms. I was not steady. Moving is hard. I returned to a similar pose I had had when I first approached him wanting “something.” Or at least I think I did. I don’t know anymore.

He laid back on the bed. He told me that I’d bragged about my blow jobs and now I was to . . . well I’m not sure what he said but it was obvious he was telling me to give him a blow job. I don’t remember the words. Words didn’t stay with me very well during this session.

I was slow and unsteady. I worried that if I didn’t go fast enough he would be upset with me but I also worried that if I tried to go faster my fingers would get tied up on themselves. Careful is more important. I remember my nervous smile and laugh as I failed to unzip his jeans. My fingers didn’t want to work. I remember my arm collapsing and I fell on top of him as I tried to work the jeans. I was not coordinated whatsoever.

I pulled at his jeans. What if he didn’t want them removed? What if he . . . he helped get them off and my worries about that disappeared. Uncut. I haven’t had a lot of experience with uncut. I tried to start slow. Licking off to the side. Lick at the balls. Work up to it. I was too unsure of what I was doing and rather than a slow buildup like I usually do, I quickly just went full in on stroking it with my whole mouth and tongue.

The unsteadiness disappeared slowly. I know this. I am good at this. I was paying attention for any signs – what does he like? What am I doing right? I became bolder as I went and eventually found it. This! This is what I need to do – he likes this. And I kept going even as my mouth and back began to ache. I would please him. I was determined.

Finally he pulled me off of him and his eyes were wide. I had succeeded. I had pleased him. The subspace was gone but I had done it.

The world was soft and far away and remained so for a long while after. There were no cares anymore. Just this. My back and scalp were warm. I love that feeling afterwards. Everything is just warm. There is no more pain, no more worry, no more world. Just soft, fuzzy, warm feelings.