Finding a Task Setter / Dominant

Posted on April 28, 2023
Word Count: 654

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From a discussion where someone was asking about finding a task setter on the WFM site.

So the reality is that you need to learn how to vet potential dominants and not get too deep right away.
The internet is full of frauds and abusers, but also full of really cool people. There are lots of way to find online doms but you may also want to consider checking out some local resources like your local kink community events and munches. Generally you can find those on fetlife.

There’s nothing wrong with posting a task on WFM asking for something, but you ARE going to get a lot of toxic people looking for a victim and you need to be guarded and ready for that. Talk to people first and learn to negotiate. What are you willing to do, what are you not willing to do. Communicate well and if there are any nagging bells going off in the back of your head, learn to listen to them: if something, anything, doesn’t feel right, learn to walk away.

You should also consider looking for task setters on the site that have the potential to fit your needs and reach out to them. You’re much less likely to end up talking to trash that way. A lot of task setters are going to be willing and happy to make tasks that cater to your needs. A lot aren’t. But a lot of the better ones also aren’t trolling the site contacting typists to do their tasks, either.

I realize that sometimes you get desperate for kink and are willing to overlook some red flags, but as the sub it’s your responsibility to vet potential doms and ensure they’re up to your standards before submitting to them.

You can do lighter things before going all in to test the waters. Everyone talks about knowing and communicating your limits, but you should also establish boundaries which also should not be overstepped. Boundaries could include things like time requirements before going too deep and a good dominant will respect that and hold you to it because sub frenzy is such a hard thing to manage on your own.

You can and should also consider actual dating sites. There are a few that are more open to kink, or are geared specifically towards it.

An additional thing to consider is that dominants, especially on the internet, are frequently used as “kink dispensers” and the better ones are wary of submissives that are looking for the ideal dominant – a fantasy creature that never makes mistakes and puts them in their place and is always “on” and dominant, etc.

Think about what you’re looking for, but be ready to compromise. What are you realistically bringing to the dynamic?

We’re all just people muddling through. Dominants make mistakes, including accidentally overstepping limits sometimes. What matters is how everyone works through it and moves forward.

As for normal or strange . . . the kink community is generally fairly welcoming and accepting of whatever you’re into with some exceptions. While we all have things we cringe at (I personally have issues with body fluids for example), in general the community is accepting of most kinks, even if most of us aren’t into a lot of them. A good majority of the people you meet into kink are into a narrow band of a wide world of fun depravity. And many of our bands overlap, but rarely do they match 100%.

While it is strongly recommended to become a part of the community somewhere (local, online, wherever) I don’t know that everyone needs to be part of the community. I spent a good portion of my life not worrying about that. I’m more of a researcher and read all the stuff communities posted in places, but never really joined any. Up until ending up committing myself to running the WFM discord, I suppose.