Anyone Can Be A Shitty Person

Posted on March 24, 2025
Word Count: 515

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Okay I have a rant. This is a personal issue I have with language and labels people choose for other people in a GENERAL sense and is IN NO WAY directed towards people that assign labels to awful people to make themselves feel better after trauma. If this is what you need to say to help yourself heal and trust someone else again, then don’t let the semantics stand in your way. Seriously. Say and believe whatever you need to say to get through your trauma.

But.

I really hate the common “they are just an abuser, not a real dominant.”

Those two things are not mutually exclusive. One can be a shitty person and be a dominant, as much as someone can be a shitty person and a submissive, or a shitty person and a mechanic. Just because they’re an abusive slime-ball asshole doesn’t mean they aren’t also a dominant.

The swap of that is the important part here – just because someone’s a dominant does not mean they aren’t abusive and shitty. That’s an extremely important take-away here. Just because you found a dominant that makes you feel fucking amazing, does not mean that they are a good person. This is especially important when we have to take sub-frenzy into account. You need to be aware that your dream dominant may not be good for you and may do things against your interest outside of whatever you’ve got going on with them that you’re into.

Additionally, one of the things I preach really hard to new/inexperienced/insecure submissives is that NO ONE ever gets to tell you you’re not a submissive. You’re submissive enough to be submissive. I don’t care if you’re the worst, most ornery brat that ever bratted… who wouldn’t obey a traffic light in the middle of rush hour… the laziest pillow princess in the world… who hates pain and hates being on your knees and hates commands… I don’t care. If you identify with any aspect of being a submissive enough that you want to call yourself a submissive then you are valid and I will support you. No one gets to tell you you’re not submissive enough, or not a “true” submissive (whatever the fuck that is). No one. You’re the only person in the world who matters when it comes to deciding your label for yourself, and maybe (just maybe) your partner when or if you decided to let someone else have enough power over you to support that. If you identify as a submissive, you are a submissive. Full stop.

So, if I’m going to support submissives like that, then I have to support dominants calling themselves dominant even if I don’t respect them as a human being.

But that doesn’t make you a good person. And neither does being dominant.

Anyone on either side of the slash can be an abuser. And abusers can be drawn to the D-side because it gives them someone who starts out willing.

Watch for the red flags and keep yourself safe. Because a dominant absolutely can be an shitty person.

</rant>