Going Deeper - Taking "No" Off The Table and Allowing Limit Pushing

Posted on May 04, 2024
Word Count: 616

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Going deeper.

I’ve been in frenzy for the last few weeks. My moods come and go. I cycle in everything I do, including kink. I was kind of lukewarm for a while and then we had a mandatory break because of people getting sick, and after that break I have just been going fucking crazy.

I had an evening of such desperate desire that I spent the evening telling Tim fantasies I’d been having. Working myself up even more.
Which was important. He had an intense session in mind, and for intense sessions I need to be worked up for days in advance to really be at my best for it.

But among the fantasies for sessions, were more reminders of how much I want outside of sessions. And a serious discussion that included me admitting that we’ve been together long enough that a lot of my limits have fuzzed with him. So pushing limits is now on the table.

While the evening’s uhm… sceneing had been going on for a while (no report this time, some of what happened I’m not comfortable writing out and I don’t expect I’ll write the rest anyway), before we actually got into the intense bit, while he was tying me to the bed, I indicated I had things to say. And it took me a while to get the words out. In broken thoughts and some back-and-forth, we altered one of our agreements. More specifically, I opened things up for him more.

I’m actually in real “safeword” territory now, where there has to be a real way of communicating that isn’t “stop” because I get to say no, or stop, or please… and he can decide to not stop. However he wants.

This has taken two and a half years to work up to where we both trust each other enough to do this. I’ve proven I can actually communicate when something’s wrong and I’m in the thick of it. He’s learned me well enough to know when I’m trying to communicate something vs just being in pain.

I still can’t do the classic “safeword.” It’s too hard for me in the moment and I won’t say a code word like that. But I can tell him something’s wrong. I can indicate that I need a moment to “words.” And I can trust that he’ll understand and listen.

But now I can ask him to “stop.” To “please don’t.” To “wait no”….
And he can ignore it.

And it’s… really fucking hot.
Releasing more control. Giving more of myself over to him.

• go ahead and push the limits
• you decide when it’s enough, even if I beg

And I’m just… happy.

Also. To be clear. I had been considering what I opened up for a while before discussing it. The limits had been fuzzy for me with him for a long while. And going into an intense scene might not have been the ideal time to say “no it’s cool, go as hard as you want” because people can say a lot of things they don’t mean when horny, but it didn’t come out of the blue as a passion statement. I’d actually thought it over quite a lot and was trying to find words throughout the week or two before, when I suddenly found myself desperate to communicate the concept even without the words determined yet.

It’s been a journey of just one more step at a time deeper into the D/s dynamic.
Tim pointed out that at some point there won’t be anything left… I’ll just have given him everything. And it’s really a 🫠 kind of concept