2024-12-18 - Scene Report with Tim

Posted on December 19, 2024
Word Count: 2776

Comments 0

I keep hearing my scream in my head. Sharp, fast, surprised, and genuine pain. Bad pain. It was a bad scream, and one I don’t know that I’ve ever heard from me before. I had fully let go of myself and was making noise already and in that state there was no holding back… no filter. So when I felt like I was splitting open, the scream came fast and honest.

Last night’s play session was actually pretty fun. Something went wrong, but it’s never about whether something goes wrong but how we mitigate risks and handle the things when they do go wrong.

He stripped me in the living room like always, but he was talking to me more, putting me in the perfect headspace for the evening. He was making me answer him. He asked me if I needed clothes as he pulled my shirt and cami up over my head, I put up my arms and he trapped them there, holding my arms up over my head with my shirt up with them. I felt my breathing speed up as I felt weak, trapped, and aroused.

He held me there. He kissed me. He wanted an answer.

My sludge-slow brain wanted nothing more than to sink into the moment, but was forced to work. I wasn’t willing to say “no” but I searched for an acceptable non-no answer. I finally landed on something like “not if you tell me I don’t” … or something rather close to that… fuzzy memory and all. The answer sufficed: he said I was right, because it wasn’t my choice but his. Later, he asked me the same question, obviously pushing for the answer he actually wanted and that time I caved and just said “no” … but I put an annoyed tone into it!

After he had my clothes off he removed my normal collar to replace it with the play collar for the evening. I remember letting out a little whine as it was removed. Something about that being removed always makes me feel extra naked. I think though, finally, I’m okay with it. I never like it but I remember standing there waiting for him to put on the other collar feeling fairly content right in that moment. His.

Collar. Robe. . . . Leash.

I knew when I saw the leash that I wouldn’t be allowed to just sit on the couch and read tonight. Probably a good thing since Wednesday evening sessions are shorter due to both of us having work in the morning. There wasn’t any serious play, though. I just had to follow him around when he went to the kitchen to do things with dinner. Occasionally he’d pull on the leash. I’m not entirely sure if I let it tighten intentionally or not. I know I thought about it but I also didn’t want to disappoint him since my job was to keep up so while I stayed towards the end of the leash, I also didn’t try to make him pull me around. There were no added challenges this evening and I was fine with that. It doesn’t all have to be challenging — just a simply being led around on a leash was actually quite fun. I liked being tethered to him, and he kept me attached until we were upstairs in his bedroom.

The bedroom play was fun but is now fuzzy and I feel like glossing over most of it and focusing on certain moments instead of the full evening.

At my request, he’s been making me talk more. Mostly he just asks me to answer questions that have simple answers, or parrot back something to him. In sub-mode, my brain doesn’t work fast enough for anything too complicated and tends to grind to a halt when he asks something that suddenly feels complicated. I may know the answer he wants is “yes” or “no” but a sudden need to explain nuance can cause a lot of hesitation. Sometimes I have to convince myself to just answer how I know he wants. Sometimes I start hunting for words. I have to listen to my explanation in my head a few times before I can force the words out, and when I’m in that state it gets so hard. My brain is there, the thoughts are there, but man it moves slowly.

He walked me into saying “I’m a good pet” for him. Rather than just telling me to say it, he led me into it with a series of quick questions that built up to it. Getting me to answer him one question at a time and using easy logic to trap me into having no choice but to say it. By the point he told me to say it out loud for him, there was only a very tiny part of me still rallying against saying it out loud, but the logic was sound and I had no arguments left. Tricksy. And hot. I heard myself say it and definitely got more aroused. Not over the words themselves, but how he backed me into that corner and left me no choice but to agree and say it. No arguments left. Kind of mentally helpless in a way. Very hot.

I appreciate how easy he made it for me, since saying something like that is hard. Going straight into it, I don’t believe it and it feels too much like a lie, so I don’t want to say it even if I know it’s what he wants me to say. We’d discussed this before so he already knew my position on this. Attacking that part of me that feels it’s a lie, by asking me questions to force the logic in my brain to go “yeah no, that’s a valid argument. Totally valid. Okay to say.” was a really smart way of going about that. I still felt a little awkward saying it, but it came out of me a lot easier and I didn’t feel like I was lying.

Plugged. Spanking. Flogging. Blowjob.

How’s that for glossing over things, lol. But those aren’t what’s sticking out to me from last night… Clawing their way back out of my memory and repeating for one reason or another… It was all fun but… Other things are shining brighter and begging to be written down right now.

From the floor where I’d been sucking on him, he had me crawl onto the bed. I did it slowly and carefully since my ankles were unhappy about how I’d been sitting and didn’t feel like supporting weight even for the short moment it would take to get up onto the bed. He asked me if I was all right when I hesitated, waiting for my ankle to start working again. I love the care and attention.

On the bed he had me lift my hips up and he started playing with me — pushing fingers inside me. I realized very quickly that he was planning on trying to fuck me in this position. I have never been able to handle it from behind; the angle has always been one of the worst for me. I didn’t argue or stiffen, I just waited, doing my best to hold my position for him and stay relaxed as his touch. He’s very careful with me and if this didn’t work, then I’d say so and we could try something else, no big deal. All I had to do was let him do what he wanted and communicate — easy enough.

In addition to a usual internal pain, I have a lot of trouble with my perineum — that little bit of skin is extremely tender and any pressure whatsoever is painful, and it’s easily, easily damaged. Generally sex from behind can cause too much happening to the area and it hurts way too much. One time a penis (about as smooth and soft as you can get) sliding over it only once was enough to cause bleeding. Very early on in our relationship and negotiations I pointed that out and made sure he knew that that was always a bad pain and to avoid contact with it, and reminded him a few times since then.

Actually it worked pretty okay. I didn’t have any major pain, and while it didn’t feel quite as good as when I’m facing him, it was still pretty good. So yeah, actually, this worked. It’s never worked with any of the boyfriends who had tried it in the past, but Tim has spent a lot of time and effort learning this body so he can do what he wants with it. He was careful to use fingers to stretch me open slowly, and was careful on his angle, and he got to use me how he wanted me, in a new position that had never worked before. Neat.

I enjoyed listening to him fuck me, but was definitely a little disappointed that I couldn’t see him. I’ve been wanting to look up at him fucking me for a while, and was definitely glad when he stopped and had me turn over. He entered me carefully but easily and had my legs folded up to each side of him. He fucked me for a while and although there was a minor constant uncomfortableness it was overshadowed by a general goodness of the experience… there was enough pleasure from the thrusting that I was enjoying the feeling well enough, and I loved looking up at him as he enjoyed me.

That’s really what I enjoy — that he’s using me for his pleasure. The sex itself sometimes feels good, but it’s not anything too special for me most of the time. What matters is him doing what he wants with me, and enjoying the hell out of my body. I love that so much.

I think he paused. A rest? I don’t remember. I think he paused and talked to me and I was panting a little. I always let every breath out make whatever noise my body wants to make when I’m being fucked, and I think I was thinking about the noise in a little rest when he went to start up again… he thrust into me hard and I heard myself scream. It was a bad scream. I knew it was a bad scream even without the bad pain to tell me but it felt like I’d been ripped open and it was a moment of agony. He stopped immediately — he knew it was a bad scream, too. Something in that thrust had hit or stretched the perineum hard and did actual damage.

As the pain faded, slowly, I remember him soothing me. I remember laying there and all I wanted to do in the world in that moment was cry. At some point in there I managed to point out where it hurt and he tried to pull open bits of me to see and I hissed in pain and jerked away and he backed off and let me be for the moment.

I had an internal struggle as half of me wanted to just curl into a ball and sob — hard, loud, and with no filter — while the other half very much did not want to do that. I cried, but I did not sob hard like half of me wanted. I kept fazing back and forth from “just let go and cry” to “don’t, stop, it’s not needed.” I didn’t know why I wanted to cry. I didn’t have a lot of words in my head other than “I want to cry” and “I don’t want to cry.” I heard Tim’s voice. I heard and understood the words, but they didn’t stick. They just flowed through me as I struggled inside my head and cried.

I remember finally coming out of my struggle and he was lying next to me and holding me, kissing me. We talked, and with me calm he went to check the damage. I stiffened as he touched me, expecting it to hurt again, but I quickly relaxed when no pain came; he was much more careful holding me open to look. He said he needed more light and went for his phone. I felt like that was my cue to be embarrassed or get aroused or something, but man, I was just so done with everything, and he’s looked at me there enough that in that current state of mind it just felt like nothing… normal. I was damaged and he wanted to check to make sure I was okay.

With the flashlight on his phone he was able to determine that yeah, the reason I felt like I was splitting open was because I kinda did. He said there was a small tear running up the length of that skin. He didn’t tell me if I was bleeding so I asked and yeah… bleeding a little. Fun times. (Sad face.)

However, he said the damage was minor and would likely heal fine over a few days. Yeah that felt about right. It wasn’t actively hurting if I didn’t move. It felt minor but very tender.

We laid there for a while talking about the experience, what happened, what had been good, and what likely went wrong. Finally, he asked if I wanted to stop for the night and just cuddle or if I wanted to continue the play session. I had fully recovered, mentally, and wanted to continue, so we would continue but there would be no further vaginal sex tonight and he would avoid the damaged area in general.

He had me lay over his lap and he spanked me hard. I remember being rather annoyed about how he was intentionally striking the exact same spot over and over, ramping up the pain. I remember wishing very much for the vibrator which would have made the pain much easier and more fun. No such luck. However, as much as it hurt, he didn’t take the pain up too high to tolerate… just enough to get the reaction he wanted from me.

He had me lay on my back and had me suck on him while he perched above me. Balls… cock… whatever was in range of my mouth and tongue. I had a little trouble breathing. I realized I could barely breathe through my nose at all and at first I was thinking allergies and then I remembered I’d been crying. Welp. Didn’t matter at some points though — there were moments that the way he was positioned above me prevented me from breathing through my nose at all. I had to breathe through my mouth as I continued to work – licking and sucking as best I could.

He leaned forward and had me continue sucking on him while he played with my clit with the vibrator. I tried so hard to keep my mouth and tongue working while he played with me. I’m pretty sure I was barely touching him with my tongue when he brought me to orgasm. And then some. He loves to keep going and listen to me squeak and struggle with the stimulation post-orgasm. It’s actually kind of fun with the vibrator — when done with fingers it’s mostly just painful.

We wrapped up the evening with me back on the floor for a blowjob. After he came and was cleaned up, I leaned back in and continued to suck lightly on his balls, mostly because I wanted to play with the skin in my mouth. With no further need to strive for the best pleasure I could bring, I just enjoyed the feeling of the loose skin in my mouth, on my lips, and against my tongue. I sucked one testicle into my mouth, carefully, just to feel it. He didn’t seem to mind the exploration.

Then we cuddled until it was time for me to go home for the night. I was very ready to fall asleep to the point that if I closed my eyes too long I would start hearing things here and there… fragments of dreams trying to drag me into unconsciousness. He was mean though, and made me get up and get dressed so I could go home. Stupid work in the morning.

I walked away from the evening feeling cared for. Yeah okay something went very wrong — I even cried — but he responded immediately and was there for me, taking care of me until I was thinking straight again. He made certain I wasn’t seriously hurt and let me take my time recovering before we continued on with the evening.

I have the best owner <3