Quick Thoughts
Small thoughts and messages not worthy of their own pages but still something I feel like putting out there. Largely curated and possibly lightly edited from my posts and discussions in the WFM server.
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My very favorite part of that meme so far is sending it to Tim and getting a lecture on how love languages aren’t a thing
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When I was like 18-25 I spent a lot of time in a bdsm forum where people would share scene reports in addition to hanging out and asking/answering questions. It was a valuable resource for me. I’m happy to be able to share the things I’m doing with people, too, now.
Also when I feel so fucking happy I might burst the WFM server is really a great place to be able to share and get the feelings out. Like I have to tell someone and my vanilla friends just won’t understand.
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It’s all real for me; I know a lot of people like role play, but I really just like to live it.
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Okay I got a con story.
I was joking with Sam and he heading home to bed and as parting words he told me to “get sleep.” This was on Thursday after I’d already pulled one all-nighter.
I flippantly replied “yeah maybe, probably not,” and I looked up with a grin to see Tim give me the sternest look he’s ever given me.Fuck, I lost all composure. Broke eye contact, looked away and toward the ground really hard/fast, and got super flustered.
I was just trying to joke with Sam and got “the look” and got all melty 😭I don’t really want to be too bratty for it but I definitely want that again 🥰
It was really great. It’s tempting to try to brat more for it but realistically, it was the fact that I wasn’t going for it and it was completely unexpected that probably helped it hit so hard.
As I told Tim when we met… I like to be kept off balance just a little. That definitely tipped me over for a while.
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Welp, that’s it. claps dust off hands
I’ve given up my biggest secrets, trauma, and shame to my dominant. Nothing left to fret over.
Other than like – what’s gonna physically happen to me in sessions 😂I’m 40 and it took me this long to find someone I was willing to trust enough to give that up. I thought I would die some day still holding on tightly to those secrets. But anything else I need to communicate from here on out should be easy in comparison.
I want to say I made the decision I was finally going to give that up about 3-6 months ago. Took a while to let the words form. And then I just started writing last night, and sent it. Raw and unedited because if I edited it I was worried I’d delete it 😅
I wasn’t nervous, though. It felt like it was the right time
I sent to both Sam and Tim. I trusted both entirely not to judge me for it, or to act differently. Just, giving a piece of myself out I’d never given before.For Sam it was more – I’m opening this part of me up, and I know you won’t abuse it, so you can have it.
But with Tim it was definitely more of – I want you to have it. Like giving more of myself over to him. I very much want to give myself over to him entirely, and this is a large part of that.
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So during tear down at con some drama was happening because we were all really tired and kind of touchy. I started wanting to not be there and I told Tim that. I think I even asked . . . please . . .
He managed to actually make it happen.In the middle of the room with people moving all around us to pack up, he wrapped his arm across my chest from behind and cuddled with me a bit then squeezed his arm up, compressing my neck jusssst enough. I closed my eyes and there was nothing else but us in that moment.
It seriously helped reset me slightly and no one knew anything other than we had a minute or two of cuddling there while I was stressed.
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Hand writing a note on 30 packets instead of reprinting them. Thought of the WFM server.
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> I signed up for fetlife now what?
Look around at the local groups to find a munch then log off. It’s kind of a cesspool. -
I strongly disagree that in a BDSM space, if you identify with a label it should dictate that anyone is better than anyone else, since there’s no consent in that situation and consent is key. We are all equals here until it’s negotiated otherwise.
And it’s often negotiated otherwise 😂
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There is no hierarchy in the grander sense. Only in the dynamic you negotiate and agree to
Bothers the crap out of me when people imply that there is. Something something “your superiors” or “betters” etc. Possibly especially since I am submissive and am very guarded against people trying to put me in a place I never agreed to.
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We were in a group of people last night and he sent me a message that was like . . . instant melt. I was sitting there working on con things with waves of butterflies and arousal flowing through me and the only physical sign I let myself show was that I’d occasionally close my eyes for like a whole second while I was working. Frustrating as hell which was even more arousing.
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My only consequences are getting what I asked for in a period of frenzy. I tend to share fantasies when I’m like that and then later realize that I was the one who mentioned it in the first place.
Play session tonight. And it sounds like I’m getting some of what I asked for. And it’s incredibly arousing but I’m also very nervous.
I love this feeling but also . . . 😭
I’m just trying to communicate honestly and openly. Which has included the fact that I love being scared like this. I’m nervous and can’t stop thinking about tonight and that intensifies that nervousness.
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Anyone else ever excited and terrified at the same time of getting exactly what you asked for?
😭 -
I offered to make the task easier. The offer was declined.
So now he suffers along, knowing that he could have had it easier and decided not to take that when he had the chance. -
It took me a long time to find Tim. And I was willing to put myself out there and let people know not only that I was kinky but roughly what I was into and what I was looking for. I think I was on OKCupid for like 9 months or something before Tim joined and messaged me? And had a lot of failed conversations before that on OKC and Feeld
Even with how few dominants are out there for all us subs, the kink/dom dating pool is still bigger than the {kink/dom, and polyamorous, and oh look not only am I poly but I have a husband and you need to be cool with that} dating pool
So, I believe you can find someone if you’re willing to put yourself out there and slog through the muck in the dating pool
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I love bruises but I don’t always love how hard we have to go to get bruises lol
Although if I’m really in the mood for it, it’s less of an issue. The only time I really felt it for longer than a day was when he went as hard as he had wanted to, and then I asked for harder and he was like . . . well okayIt was a good night and I felt it for like 5 days after. But that “please hit me harder” mood is rare
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Hm. Random thought. Last chance for a play session before con will be Thursday.
Last chance to really de-stress and let got for a couple hours.
Man I am looking forward to that so much -
It was a difficult night at least.
Spent a good portion of the evening at least a little uncomfortable, which is what I’d asked for. It wasn’t the hardest we’ve gone with a cane but it certainly wasn’t a light night either. Tiny bit sore still ❤️Hearing myself scream and then hearing him laugh… that was something else
Gave my brain a much needed break from reality and focusing on all the minutiae of con and general life.
There is nothing else except for right here in this moment… nothing else is more important therefore it no longer exists.
My world gets comfortably small. All my worries compress down to … what’s going to happen next, how long is this going to go on, when is that going to happen… etcand then I had a nap 😂
kind of wore me out a bit -
A few weeks ago I was in a particular um… frenzy… and sent all sorts of awful ideas that I’m now worried about. 😅 😓
I mean. They’re totally things I’m up for. In the abstract. But also worried about.But on the other hand I’ll be genuinely disappointed if I don’t get to experience them, or similar, at some point at least. So there’s that.
Stupid suffering kink. 😭