Quick Thoughts
Small thoughts and messages not worthy of their own pages but still something I feel like putting out there. Largely curated and possibly lightly edited from my posts and discussions in the WFM server.
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Every dynamic is unique
I play very real. I don’t like roleplay. I know I always have a choice and my choice is to submit -
Regarding creating a limit list, you can look at bdsm checklists to get and idea of things to start. I don’t know any off hand but they should be googleable
Like “no permanent damage” is a good place to start usually. Or if some permanent damage would actually be okay (scarification or tattoos, etc) where that line is. Common limits are like cutting and stuff. Which may not be an issue for you. But you probably want anything that will land you in the hospital on the limit list (it’s not a given, especially if you play particularly hard).
When people don’t know what limits to say or say something bad like “I don’t have limits” the easy answer is “okay well would you let them cut off an arm? No? Congrats, you have a limit. Now you have a place to start working towards where your real limits are”
(and if they say “yes” – run, you probably don’t want to play with that kind of fire)It’s not about creating a comprehensive list.
It’s about providing some boundaries so the dominant knows at least some limits to stick within.
Being told “I’m a masochist – do what you want but just don’t put me in the hospital” is a very wide limit, but having that limit at least indicates that that person knows how far they’re willing to go.
Being told “I don’t know what my limits are, we just need to discuss what you want to do first so I can think about it” is honest and opens things up to negotiations and still provide the dominant with boundaries to play within when they say the things they want to do and you’re like “yeah cool let’s try that, I don’t think any of that is a limit”Being told “i dunno, let’s just play” isn’t . . . great
For your safety, and theirsI have a large document that details the things that I’m into along with known limits.
It’s not an exhaustive list (although it feels like it sometimes)
But it is 12 pages
Organized with headers -
I am not comfortable naked. And he’s . . . slowly pushing me towards that. And it’s… uncomfortable
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I don’t “get” humiliation kinks. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them – I’m not judging. But the idea repulses me so much. I think I’d just take it too much to heart and start crying 😅 😓
I’m very . . . real and honest in my dynamics; I don’t roleplay.
So it’s all me and humiliation and stuff would cut me deep I suspect. It’s on my limit list. -
I had something dredged up kind of recently. Was doing something in a session that pulled up deep old traumatic memories and I had to internally pause and take stock like “am I okay? Is this okay? Yes. I’m okay.” And went back no issues. But then we did it again in a different session.
And after the third time in another session I realized my body had tensed up significantly and I couldn’t make it relax.
I ended up having to request that we not do that very specific thing in that very specific way because it was too close to the memory.So it got altered enough that it in itself no longer calls up that memory.
Unfortunately, now I’m thinking about it on my own occasionally since it came up. Can’t get the demon to go back to sleep 😩
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Labels are very personal and no one gets to tell you what you identify best with – only you know that.
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My interest in pain ramps up with arousal. The more turned on I am, the more I want.
If I’m not really turned on at all, my pain interest and tolerance are fairly low.
I can get aroused from pain, but only so far. Generally requires a lot more mental stuff.
I need to be told what’s coming to build anticipation and arousal. How much he loves doing it.I have a pretty solid memory of him caning me at a difficult pace and then said “I’m going to be doing this for a while” and was aroused to the point that the whole experience was elevated. It was still difficult, but I was able to handle it better. The reminder that I was going to be suffering through who knows how long and just having to take it was really fucking hot…
I think I have a suffering kink more than masochism. Like they go hand in hand, but are still different 🤷♀️
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My worst/best session though I could feel it for several days after, any time I transitioned from sitting to standing
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breath play is a soft limit. I wouldn’t do it with someone I didn’t really trust, but it’s definitely something I’d be willing to do a little bit of with some negotiation.
I haven’t really tried it though tbh so I don’t know if I’d be into it or not. I feel like I might? But shrugI don’t really have any fear of it, though. Probably since I’ve never tried it and had no bad experiences, and it’s not tangential to any other things that bother me.
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Spent the first part of the session handcuffed. It wasn’t a turn-on, necessarily, but it was fun. Had to be constantly adjusting them so they wouldn’t dig in as I worked on eating dinner.
Second half of the evening was supposed to be a lighter session, and I guess it was? But it was a lot of spanking and caning, and it didn’t feel that light at the time lol
He also brought out the TENS unit for the first time. Didn’t do much with it, just used as a slow introduction.
I had a really bad experience with a previous boyfriend and electrical play so I’m terrified of it 😅 😓
But it’s not a hard limit and we’ve been playing long enough that my soft limits aren’t really limits anymore.So that was .. something.
Still terrified of it. But it wasn’t a bad experience. And it’s genuinely hot to submit myself to something I’m scared of like that.
Trust is just so fucking hot 🥰 -
I use an app that tracks how good my sleep was. I thought it might help me figure out when something is causing me to wake up but not really. Now it’s just another data point I’m tracking. I send it to Tim every morning so he can see how good or bad my sleep was and ask questions if he wants
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This is a WIP that’s good enough for use. I intend on continuing work on it but IDK know much I’ll be able to do for a while, so I handed it off today. Avatar for @yt in the WFM discord
(I am in love with how that rope came out. I wish I’d made it a little thicker just to be able to show off more of it)
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Everyone has a secret sex drawer. It’s just some people have cooler stuff in it
A page out of the Better Built Bondage Book. One of my favorite things is how the secret sex drawer escalates to “put all your furniture in your secret sex drawer”
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Remembers how I kept my floggers on the back of my door when I lived with my parents. There’s no way my mom didn’t see them weekly when she vacuumed…
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I think the only times we had to stop a scene right away was very early on when we had just started playing together and were figuring each other out.
Never fun having to end a scene prematurely, but IMO we handled it well, immediate debrief and aftercare, lots of discussion, reassurance on both sides, etcSometimes things just don’t go as expected 🤷♀️
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You get to be sad. It’s okay. A relationship changing is still kind of an end, at least to how things were. But it’s also a new beginning and it might be for something really great, too
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IDK why but I was randomly thinking of an old story I heard where a domme had a sub who wanted a session without a safeword… no limits. And she tied him to a chair and gave him a safeword anyway.
And he’s like “I’m not going to use it” and she’s like “that’s fine, but you have it just in case”And while he was tied to the chair, she went and got his favorite expensive coat and threw it on the ground in front of him and walked on it with muddy shoes. Then took his maps and opened them and started folding them back the wrong way and probably in creative and awful ways.
And he safeworded.
(man… maps
Like. I remember having maps. But that’s such an odd thing nowaways.
Used to be everyone had maps in their cars. Or you’d buy maps for a trip. Crazy)Too many new subs wear that sort of thing like a badge of honor. Like it’s something to be proud of, having “no limits” (everyone has limits and if you don’t, you probably need therapy before anyone should ever play with you), or never safewording.
Like. It’s just a recipe for disaster.
I get how it can seem hot in fantasy, but there are very real stakes when you play in BDSM territory and safety nets are there for a reasonI tell people I don’t use safewords and them immediately explain: it’s because I do it in plain english. Effectively “no” is my safeword. 🤷♀️ Or it’s usually “hold on, my arm is going to sleep” 😂