Quick Thoughts
Small thoughts and messages not worthy of their own pages but still something I feel like putting out there. Largely curated and possibly lightly edited from my posts and discussions in the WFM server.
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I didn’t realize how useful this would be for me, but a major perk of handing over control to someone I completely trust is that all the things that I agonize over in my head… if I can just write them out, write out all the concerns, and the things I’m worried about, and send that to him, it’s now no longer my problem. He has it under control. I’ve given my worries, concerns, opinions… and he makes the decisions and I just have to trust him and go with it.
So much easier. Frees up so much headspace. -
Well that was a hell of an evening. My ass is sore, my legs are weak, my hair is going every direction, and I’m exhausted.
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I’m submissive. I switch. But I’m definitely a sub.
I knew I was sub from the start. I learned to switch to kind of “scratch the itch” when I couldn’t find a dominant. I’m amused with topping people, and being really evil at it, but I’m only satisfied as a submissive -
I’ve been into BDSM since I was 15. I’m 40 now and know enough to give lectures on many aspects of BDSM.
I’m still learning.
Especially about myself and what works and doesn’t work in my dynamics. I’m constantly talking with Tim about what’s working and what’s not and how I’m feeling, not just because I need to tell him these things for his own knowledge, but because sometimes I’m still deconstructing what happened in my head and figuring it all out for myself
And I started playing early, too. Desperate to feel it. Figure it out. I did some really unwise things, but it worked out okay for me. I wouldn’t recommend it to others.
I still find it odd how new some of this still is to me
So. Idk, don’t expect to just figure it all out. It really is a journey
And a long one -
I’m most happy when I have a dominant in my life that can take on the responsibility of figuring out the minutia. Where are we eating dinner. What are the plans for the evening. Etc. I started asking him what color underwear to put on after I shower. He said he loves that but he didn’t tell me to, I just started doing it one day.
Also all the other aspects I love. I keep pushing for him to take more and more control. It frees things up in my head quite a bit. It’s weird how freeing it feels.
And I’m happy with that.
The topping I do is . . . Well I do love chaos. And some of it is service-based. I know it’s craved, so I provide. I do what I do for mutual amusement.
I enjoy it, but very differently.
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I joke about the “dominant shortage” but it is very much a thing. There are more submissives, especially male submissives. I’m not sure why entirely. Everyone has their own reasons of course.
IMO, subbing is easier. I just have to do what I’m told 😂
But I don’t know. I’ve just seen the same ratio everywhere I go and heard the same from others -
I’m aware sometimes people hand over their password manager access to a dom or something, but there’s a lot of danger in that which is why I don’t recommend it. Sam and I are married (like 11 years?) and it works well out for us, but I still don’t recommend that level of access as a general rule.
We’re not even in a D/s relationship, we’re just lazy 😅 -
I do things, just not going out by myself. I don’t see any reason for it.
- Errands suck. I’d rather do them with a partner.
- Go out to eat? I would rather do that with a partner.
I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t prefer doing with one or both partners if I’m bothering to leave the house in the first place.
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I wouldn’t mind always sharing my location with Tim if I ever left the fucking house 😂
I’m either leaving with Tim, or leaving with Sam. Either way, it’s boring play for me so not worth bothering about.It’s a neat idea. If I went to work, or had classes or something. Did something other than work at home and my personal projects… I’d be more into the idea. 24/7, no problem.
but I don’t, so 🤷♀️
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Frenzy can be really powerful. It can lead to very bad decisions and can put you in dangerous situations if you’re not keeping it in check
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Was talking with Tim the other day and he said I was “very much the ‘good girl’ submissive.” And I just don’t know what I think about that, lol
Yay? I think?
For as much of a smart ass and loop-hole-finder as I am, and as much as I look for opportunities for sass… I do a lot of that because it’s funny and he sees the humor in it, too, and I really just want to make him happy. I don’t think I could have a long-term partner that didn’t enjoy that sort of thingThe conversation was about bratting possibilities because I’ve been kind of wanting to like… just say “no” to something just to push back and see what he does. Because it sounds fun as hell. He’s confirmed that as long as it’s obvious it’s not something wrong and I’m just bratting it’s okay (especially because it’s not something I do normally; neither of us are into the long term push-and-pull of a bratting dynamic), but fuck… it feels so hard to even imagine myself doing it. I feel like I’d make myself freeze up trying to even get the word out.
I get how some people like it but man…. I just want to do what I’m told!
Doing something small is my plan. Something like he tells me to stand, or lay down or whatever and I refuse. Nothing big, but a moment that’s not that big of a deal.
But every time I try to imagine myself doing it I start like… stuttering and getting uncomfortable IN MY HEAD
I can’t even imagine myself doing it properly
and that’s hilarious and frustratingI’m pretty sure if I’m in a playful enough mood I can do it, but he’s so good at making me want to just melt into his will
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He makes me feel very safe. He’s done and said all the right things such that I feel I can tell him anything and it’ll be okay. I’ve given him some of the deep dark parts of me that shame prevents me from sharing otherwise.
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Spent a good portion of Saturday and Sunday evenings working on a new limits list for Tim. What’s allowed now (and possibly encouraged), what’s reluctantly allowed, and what’s still off the table entirely.
It was difficult re-examining some of those items in my head like . . . would I allow that and still be okay during/after the scene? I was actually surprised at some of the items I was willing to allow. Things I never thought would be okay, even reluctantly. Although thankfully the ones I was most reluctant about aren’t things he’s interested in anyway.
I still have a small but reasonable list of hard limits but it’s definitely way smaller than it was before. Now “soft” and “medium” limits are all on the table, and some “hard” got down-graded.
This, on the whole, is terrifying. But I’m reveling in it.
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I don’t operate well on safewords. In the heat of the moment I can’t actually say them. By the time I do, I’ve gone well past the point I should have.
But we have our system worked out so that that isn’t an issue -
There’s just something about going into a play session, knowing he’s about to hurt me and laugh at the pain he’s causing, and then he very carefully takes my glasses off my face, and in a gentle tone tells me that he’s taking them and that he’s setting them aside. 💖
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I don’t necessarily get turned on at the thought of play. I don’t get nervous about mysteries. “Oh no, what’s he going to do next” doesn’t do anything for me. I definitely have a much better chance of being excited about a session and probably (delightfully) nervous if I have a good idea of what he’s got planned.
Days that we go in “cold” where we go from talking about our vanilla lives to, oh hey it’s a play session, I’ve got less time to work myself up into any kind of fun nervousness.
