Quick Thoughts
Small thoughts and messages not worthy of their own pages but still something I feel like putting out there. Largely curated and possibly lightly edited from my posts and discussions in the WFM server.
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You never actually leave a sub alone in something they can’t escape. Ever. Someone needs to be around. You don’t have to be in the same room, but you need to be close by, within yelling distance to be able to be there fast. Shit goes wrong all the time. Someone needs to be there.
Often times things like that are all fantasy. You tell the sub you’re leaving. You let them think you are. You make the noises that you’re leaving. You close the door and you sit inside, quietly watching them suffer and wonder if you really meant it that time.
If someone is legitimately leaving a sub alone unsupervised in a place they can’t get out of and can’t communicate with the dominant for help, then they shouldn’t be doing that shit at all.
It sounds hot, but it’s completely irresponsible and bad bad bad news.
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I personally have a suffering kink. I’m definitely somewhat masochistic, for sure. But unless I’m particularly turned on, it’s not actually all that much. The higher levels of pain I take during sessions are because the idea of suffering, going through something that I do not enjoy, because my dominant enjoys putting me through it, is hot.
I can’t do real punishment dynamics because I will absolutely make bad choices.
I also hate the word “funishment” but that’s a personal choice. It doesn’t speak to me at all.
I suffer. I don’t necessarily like it, even if I’m enjoying the session itself. Is it “desirable”? Maybe. The pain is on some level, but a lot of it is enjoyed because he enjoys it. He laughs when I scream.
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I tend to prefer more thud with some sting or if there’s a lot of sting it also needs a good amount of thud. Only sting is annoying. I have a paddle that is 100% sting, 0% thud and I hate it so much, lol. It feels like a sunburn. And then paddling a sunburn.
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Trying to use checklists as a conversation guide is hard when the topics can be really uncomfortable.
Which is why my solution was a long document outlining what I liked, didn’t like, why, and my known limits and things that were explicitly on the table 😅
The big checklists are meant to be as exhaustive as possible to catch a wide range of people. So there can be a lot of really uncomfortable things on the list for people that are familiar with them, let alone the people that aren’t. -
My husband is very not into what I’m into. We experimented and ultimately, he’s just not into it. That being said, we also were in a polyamorous relationship from day 1. So I always had the option to play with others when I needed to and eventually did decide I wanted to go find a play partner and found my permanent long-term dominant instead.
I believe it’s hard but not too hard to find compatible kinky people out there, but you should be aware of how to get your needs met and a lot of people do have to break up to get them met because their partner won’t/can’t.
Open and clear communication is definitely important for all relationships. I don’t know why so many people struggle through chains of bad relationships instead of just being honest from the start.
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Wasn’t expecting a hard session. Got one. Going to be feeling the canes tomorrow. The only reason I didn’t crawl off the bed or up the wall was because my ankles were bound to the bed so I could go a few inches but really had no escape.
And I’ve got a sore throat from screaming.Honestly, thinking back on it I kind of expected a lighter session. He was being really nice to me when we were having dinner. He wasn’t hardly mean at all until my ankles were strapped down.
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So not all the time but recently it’s been fairly regularly, Tim chooses what panties I’m supposed to put on after I shower. And we’ve been doing this for a while. But I mentioned a long while ago that like… he never even checks, how would he even know what I’m doing. I could just be saying I’m doing it and just not. I mean. I’m totally doing as I’m told, but I could. And once or twice after that I also poked.
And today on lunch he got me alone and pushed me to turn around, and pulled my pants open to actually check and then of course gave me one good smack to my ass because he could.
And I just… melted into him.
I had no words but was very much like… yes, I’m yours, push me around, check up on what I’m supposed to be doing, hurt me, whatever, I’m yours.
It was just a little embarrassing which made it even hotter 🥵 -
So we had discussed a bit about potential consequences for bratting had I not done as expected… and apparently if I hadn’t actually done the lines as I was expected to he said he’d probably have made me sit and do them right then, possibly while doing something unpleasant to me. And I’m just like… that sounds so hot.
And it’s like, I have complete faith that he knows me well enough at this point to come up with something that I would genuinely hate and not find erotic whatsoever… which in itself is still hot.
sigh
Suffering kink… 🙄
A slippery slope for sure -
ugghhhh get here faster
This is my big leather order and I’m looking forward to making stuff with it.
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So a long while ago I requested sugar restrictions. It’s reasonable, I just have to ask permission if I want more than a single reasonable dessert in a day. I rarely have to, because the requirement keeps me second-guessing if I really want that extra sugar.
Well I spent a good part of this morning cooking with a lot of sugar, which requires a lot of sampling (well. “requires” I guess. But I did have to check more than once to make sure I didn’t burn my sugar and after doing that a few times I was definitely in “fuck it” mode any time I had to toss stuff in the sink.) – enough that I’m considering the amount I ate during cooking enough to count as my reasonable dessert for the day.
And I’m making flan. And a friend brought a cake for his birth day. So. there’s going to be dessert tonight. And I’m just like….. okay well I have to ask.
So we do have “outs” for social eating so that I’m not acting weird around people. So it’s assumed I’ll be eating something of the dessert tonight.
So I asked Tim to actually portion the desserts out for me when we get to that tonight.And then I stopped and really thought about what I had just asked.
And just like … butterflies. 🦋It’s such a little thing, but still… handing over control.
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Couple years ago I made some effort into actually looking at myself. Started taking occasional selfies and stuff. Not to send to anyone, just to take. And I deleted most of them immediately, but kept a few. Never shown to anyone. The fact that I kept any I consider an accomplishment.
Not really moved past that yet. Just occasionally take private head-shots and delete all or most of them, and never show what I take to anyone. But that’s more than I did a few years ago. So I consider it progress.But I’m also not going to push myself to go farther. Just trying to be a little kinder to myself I guess. But I don’t have the drive to do much more 🤷♀️
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Interestingly, there are definitely times when I’m coding for the server that I get turned on thinking of all the possibilities of the code. I don’t really remember moments like that crafting toys.
Maybe part of it is when I’m doing code I have to think of all the angles someone could do with the system to be able to trap for edge cases I can come up with, or close up loopholes, but when I’m making a toy it’s pretty straightforward what it’s going to be used for. Additionally, with toys, I’m mostly working with my hands so I can listen to tv or audiobooks and my mind is elsewhere while I’m working, versus code where I have to actually be present and thinking about what I’m writing the whole time.
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I can see how making an implement that will be used to hurt you later would be a thing for some people, and it sounds hot but really – I’ve got an idea and I’m just working towards making it. I’m either trying to mimic something I saw online and wanted, or add a new take on something I saw, or occasionally even have my own idea I want to try out. I’m just adding to my toy collection. My thoughts only really turn to use after it’s done. Especially considering how many I’ve started and failed partway through over the years
There obviously is some thought about use before I even start, but it’s like… that looks fun, that’s way too expensive, how can I make that? I know more-or-less what I like, so I don’t really get lost in the idea, it’s almost like a check mark next to the toy like “yep, I’d like that” and not much more
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Honorifics should generally be negotiated and not assumed.
Unless you negotiate being called “Sir” with someone you shouldn’t be expecting it.
For a lot of people the negotiation can look like “call me ‘Sir’” “yes Sir” but not always -
I’ve been with guys who would threaten things and then never follow through like… wth
I don’t have that issue with Tim 😅
He definitely follows through
