Quick Thoughts
Small thoughts and messages not worthy of their own pages but still something I feel like putting out there. Largely curated and possibly lightly edited from my posts and discussions in the WFM server.
-
I’m actively encouraging Tim to research hypnosis because it’s something we want to try.
He’s been reading up, because he said if he’s going to do it, he’s going to “do it right.”
I’ve found the concept hot since I was a teenager, in a completely vanilla context. The idea of trusting someone to that level to give up that kind of control just hits all the right buttons for me
-
I feel a bit like I’m coming full circle. Broadcasting, again.
One of our neighbors has a beaten-to-all-hell american flag they hang night and day. I’m not the most patriotic person, but it annoys me. Like if you’re going to fly the flag, at least respect it.
I’ve considered printing out the US flag code and taping it to their door.
Another neighbor has a cross on their front door.
I can see both of these things from my window.
So fine. Ya’ll wanna broadcast?? I put up a garden (as in small-ish, I didn’t want to do the full 3×5’ flags) pride flag out in our yard. I have a same-sized polyamory flag on order. And I’m considering the more updated bdsm flag, but feel that may be going too far. Unsure. Probably will still get one but maybe put in a window instead of in the yard.
Like. Fuck this conservative bullshit place.
I’m mostly just hoping I don’t get my house egged over it 🙄
Although if that happened you can be damn sure I’d double-down. Maybe at that point I would break out the 3×5’ flags to display. -
Got to a section in the book explaining masochism and uh… it describes me and what I like about play sessions a little bit more than I expected it to.
I had to ask ChatGPT to explain a paragraph to me because I was like crap that’s a lot of big words but once it was broken down into normal english I was just like… yep, that fits.
I still would only describe myself as “a bit” of a masochist to people who don’t know me, because… well… gestures towards kitty. IDK… I know other people go way farther than I do with it. I’d rather give the impression that I’m softer than I am than harder.
-
> Fetlife these days
eh
fetlife has been a dumpster fire for a decade or moreit was always meant to be social media, so it’s not surprising
They intended it to be a kinky facebook
Although I feel like it may have been shit years before facebook went that direction -
I try really hard to prevent gatekeeping in my spaces 😅
Kink is historically gatekeepy so it’s not super surprising that some niche servers are like that.
The more niche the interest, the more people want to feel special by excluding others.The book I was reading the other day was talking about how it was generally looked down on to even talk about kink outside of the small circles of trust in the 70’s. Like breaking into the scene was hard and then you had to climb the social ladder to learn things because they weren’t all that open about teaching newbies like we are today
-
I really like my cuffs and the connection straps, and Tim who got really, really creative with them last night.
Getting pulled tight into a position was quite the turn on.
The most was when he hooked my wrists to my collar, my feet folded and connected together right in front of me, and my collar to my feet, so I was forced into this tight hunch position that stretched one of my legs uncomfortably in a way I couldn’t squirm to relieve, and very quickly my neck started to become sore as well from the downward pull keeping it down and more or less in place. That position also forced me to be sitting directly on my plug 😓.
I wasn’t in that position too long. It was really hard to maintain, and by the time he released me I was starting to have some real trouble. But it was really, really hot.
I also really liked having each wrist connected to the opposite side ankle behind my back while laying face down. I wasn’t in that long, but I think I could do longer, and it feels really weird. I feel like struggling in it would be …“fun.”
And while I wasn’t a huge fan of the position, it was also really interesting – he had me lying face down, and brought my ankles together, and my hands down in front of me through my legs and connected to my ankles. Very… frog-like position. It was hard to maintain (but not as hard as that first one I mentioned), and I definitely felt very exposed because it really holds everything open.
We did lots more last night but that’s what I felt like sharing. He moved me around a lot last night and occasionally got me really struggling. The leather holding the D-rings on the cuffs showed some obvious wear after last night 😂
It’s so much fun to be tied up and helpless.
-
It matters very much to me that my dominant is enjoying what he’s doing to me. To the point that I need to be told that during the scene or I can start to spiral. Sometimes it needs to be explicitly stated, but most of the time it just needs to be obvious in what he’s saying
and uh
laughing
is kind of obvious -
Communication really is key to all good relationships (kink or otherwise). And if you’re with someone who doesn’t want to hear it, you’re with the wrong someone
like, to be fair, I take my communication up a notch with some of the things I log and provide Tim as part of our dynamic that I don’t bother telling Sam because it doesn’t matter to him/us.
Medication, caffeine, my period, my weight on the days I bother to check it…
I was already tracking all of those to some degree or another, although I wasn’t quite as diligent on a couple of them as I am now since he’s actually looking at the logs. But I have caffeine records going back to 2015. I just moved my tracking method from private to shared 🤷♀️But yeah, I tell Tim as much as I can. And he uses some of it against me 😅 (in a fun or at least good way)
(Tim does not use my feelings against me unless they’re like… kinky feelings 😳. Because by “against me” I mean for kinky fun.)Including and especially when I’m having irrational feelings about something
-
Pain or discomfort really is surprisingly good for focus.
At least.
For focusing on the pain.
Not for like… focusing on anything else. But I guess that’s the point. -
I have a hard time with information being withheld from me. There are situations where Tim has done it for fun or for reason, and I’ve known about it (there’s a channel on the con server I’m not allowed to read right now), but it’s not something I’d let someone else do because it’s kind of playing in the deep end for me
-
The few times I’ve seen Tim’s serious face directed at me it’s turned me on so fucking much.
-
I get bored very easily
I move from thing to thing
never satisfied, always looking for more, trying more, reaching for more
while I will obsess over a project for a while, soon enough I’m obsessing about the next thing and move onIt’s also why I’m so experimental in kink. I’m never satisfied, I just want more and if the sessions are too much of the same I get bored. Gotta keep shaking it up and trying new things
-
I identify as a submissive. 100% submissive
… that switches.
But I don’t consider myself “a switch.”
I’m just… me.I’m sadistic and evil and enjoy tormenting people for my own amusement. And that’s fun. But it doesn’t fulfill me in the way that submitting to a dominant in a long term D/s relationship does.
shrug -
I’m thankful to have a weekly date with my dominant. Unless something actually prevents it, I get play time every other Friday and opposite Wednesdays 🙂
But if it goes on too long I definitely get the itch… -
He can be very gentle and caring. He makes me feel cared for quite regularly.
But. He’s also pretty damn sadistic
He definitely likes making me scream -
It normally takes time for me to dredge words up, but if it’s important the words are usually close at hand. I can usually muster out a “wait” very quickly and that will give me more time to get real words together
Tim did used to check in on me a lot more in the earlier sessions. He still checks in regularly, and it was established pretty early that a nod from me means we can keep going – no words required
-
I’m actually not sure how I feel about crawling. It’s on the table as something he plans to make me do at some point (especially now that I have a couple of leashes), but we haven’t actually tried it yet.
I’m not sure if I’ll go with it uncomfortably, and it’ll be hot
or if one of my issues will pop up and make it hard to actually doIn the abstract is sounds uncomfortable/awkward and therefore hot