Quick Thoughts
Small thoughts and messages not worthy of their own pages but still something I feel like putting out there. Largely curated and possibly lightly edited from my posts and discussions in the WFM server.
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I swear I found all the BDSM information websites that existed and could be found on the internet between 1998 and 2000. I scoured the internet for that information. I read everything. It was never enough.
And now there’s just piles and piles of informative bdsm websites out there and easy to find.
That was also a time where the only way to have a website was to either own a domain, or use one of the few free group hosting sites . . . geocities, tripod, and freeyellow are the ones I remember off the top of my head.
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I remember someone doing a scene report on the bondage.com forums that started out “I make a craptastic ironing board” 😂
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I miss the bondage.com forums. It was an amazing community. But the site sold and all that information is completely gone forever
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I feel like it’s gone away, but I remember “YKIOKIJNMK” being a big thing way back when. (“Your kink is okay, it’s just not my kink”)
I haven’t heard/seen that in forever -
While I’m not into body writing personally, looking for more positive things to write is actually a regular question I’ve seen on the Bdsm subreddits, so positive body writing is probably a bigger thing than the Internet portrays
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Be careful with bladder control play. There are safety concerns. Holding it too long too frequently will lead to incontinency when older
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Everyone’s different and therefore every experience is different. Experience mostly helps with technique but new partners will both still need to figure out what works for them.
I’ve learned that even with experienced people, technique only goes so far. The first few sessions with anyone I’m always having long debriefing sessions . . .
You hit too high here and I was worried it was too high to be safe, you hit to hard here and it ruined some enjoyment, you didn’t hit hard enough there and oh man I would love it if you hit harder there, I REALLY loved that one thing but you only did it once, you should do it again…. etcI think the best part of someone with experience really is that they’ve already made a lot of mistakes 😂
It’s super fun to learn on each other, but it’s also nice to have some of the really dumb mistakes out of the way -
I am pleased (I think?) to report that I’m still sore today. Not as bad, it’s improving daily, but I’m impressed we went hard enough that I’m still feeling it
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I’m rarely sore the next day after a session, if I am it’s usually pretty mild and gone within a few hours in the morning.
I’m still quite sore from last night. I mostly feel it when I transition from sitting to standing. It’s not really bad or anything but it’s quite noticeable.
It was a very intense session, but I literally asked for it.
He had wanted to do canes and canes are one of the things that just the thought of it gets me hot… They have the capacity to bring such a high level of pain, and if used wrong, damage. So there’s a lot of trust there and the idea of letting myself be hurt like that gives me butterflies.
I have a fairly decent collection of different canes which all, for the most part, feel different. Different thicknesses, materials, some are double and triple canes (which tbh are less intense than singles, as scary as they look). There are two thicker ones though that are my personal favorites since I’m not that into sting. I like how deep they hit.
But yeah… we were taking a break and I was like “I’m probably going to regret saying this but I kind of want you to go harder” and uh… yeah he did.
He got me to scream, which is always fucking hot…
And then did it again. Over and over.
I enjoyed the hell out of it and am really liking this reminder 💖
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Oh holy shit that was probably the hardest caning I’ve ever had, although I’ve had harder hits I’ve never been this sore afterwards. It hurt to stand up. It hurts to move…
It was a good night 💖
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This is a little nitpicky but I feel that “the sub it actually the one in control” is only half the story and an outdated attitude. There are two parts to a dynamic.
Yes, you get to set limits and boundaries but so does the dom. You are defining one bubble you’re giving up control in, and the dominant can narrow that bubble to their own comfort level, too.
That’s the point of negotiation, making sure both parties are comfortable and into what you’re going to be doing.
It’s frequently framed around the sub because the sub is intentionally putting themselves in a vulnerable position, but you’re both people and you both get a say in the limits, boundaries, and what you enjoy doing together. -
I also want to throw out there that punishment, as a non-psychology person knows it, rarely actually works for behavior modification. It can work, but generally how it’s done in a kink setting (or a parental setting, or a societal setting) doesn’t actually help in the way people like to think it does. If you want actual behavior modification I’d suggest learning how to train a dog and the training quadrants and what that means. You could also delve into psychology.
But “do this and you’ll be punished” is an awful way to actually fix things for most people. (It does work for some, but very few.)
I don’t do punishment dynamics because they generally don’t work for me. Not only does suffering sound hot so I’m more likely to intentionally test the rules to see what happens, but I also will game any system put in front of me.
I am currently trying to use my dynamic to better my life. We have a couple rules right now where every day I have to eat a vegetable and report that, and one that I’m probably going to have to discuss which is exercise every day (discuss because I’m succeeding about 6 out of 7 days most weeks), and if I want any excess dessert I have to ask permission because one of my goals is keeping my sugar intake low.
And there’s no punishment if I get them wrong beyond feeling bad about having to report I failed.
If I’m struggling with something, then we sit down and discuss that, and try to find a solution to it. What needs to change to help me succeed? Is the rule trying too hard right off the bat? Or is something else preventing me from accomplishing them that I need to resolve?We’re working together to actually further my health goals.
As hot as it would be to write lines for accidentally forgetting to eat some carrots or something… that would encourage me to “forget” further for that exact reason.
Also generally, “bratting” is a form of “put me in my place! I want to act out so you can slap me down” and bratting plus a punishment dynamic definitely won’t help for most things because you’re just going to sabotage yourself over and over to get that sweet feeling of being put in your place.
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I personally try to go for “playful” bratting. Nothing that’s going to actually upset anyone and requires little-to-no negotiation
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You can’t actually tell what side of the slash someone falls under by how they act IRL in non-sexual contexts.
I have a pretty dominant personality but am submissive.Lots of submissive-seeming shy people are dominant in a bdsm context. 🤷♀️
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Pay attention to red flags and your gut. If anything feels off then move on. Always have safety nets in place, and meet first in public with no kink invoved.
Sub fenzy can get dangerous. I consider myself extremely lucky to have found a dom that was all green flags.
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Play session tonight and I’m really in the mood for it. Just trying to get through the work day like 😣
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Discussing our next play session and I’m just like . . . how come thinking really loudly isn’t good enough for communicating what I want 😩
I need thinking loudly to work sometimes. Having to actually write out or say what I want is hard 😭 -
Thinking about how much I really enjoy being pushed around… up against a wall… shoved onto a bed…
Good times.
